The Religious Right, The Mooch, and Steve Bannon’s Cock

Anyone who is shocked after reading Ryan Lizza’s comically bizarre and profane unexpected interview of Anthony Scaramucci probably should refresh their memory with some quotes from his boss.

“I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.” (source)

Yup, that’s our beloved would-be 45th President of the United States caught on a hot mic telling Billy Bush during a taping for “Access Hollywood” all the locker room talk you can handle. But you know, one revealing quote may not be enough. Let’s have another.

“I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.” (source)

In total fairness to the Mooch, while he laced his words with Lizza with all kinds of swear words, the only sexual act he mentioned was consensual, at least.

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock.” (source)

My question is, does Bannon move himself like a bitch?

Putting aside the fact that Mooch’s behavior since his slick as snot podium appearance in the press briefing room last week has shown that he’s every bit the amateur that Sean Spicer said he’d be, I’d like to just take this moment to revel in the fact that this is the administration that the Religious Right put in power. The “moved on her like a bitch” and “suck my own cock” team. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard, personally, people in the religious right howl and scream about the lechery and disgusting behavior of Democrats like Bill Clinton, and I’ve even heard one very close to me say that a man who cheats on his wife literally should be disqualified from holding office.


RELATED: Bigots Also Said We Couldn’t Let Blacks Into the Military Because It Wasn’t a “Social Experiment”

So juxtapose all that pious preening they did about Clinton’s blowjob with the known, admitted fact that Trump is a serial womanizer and abuser and Mooch has a mouth like a motherfucking sailor or a cock sucking truck driver. What you’re left with is a stark, unavoidable picture of everything that’s wrong with the modern day Republican Party. Not that them trying to gut Obamacare or strangle the government by not appointing people would be better if Jeb! had won. Of course not. But I’m just saying that every time the GOP gets handed a defeat now, like when three of their own team up with Senate Dems to kill a “skinny repeal” of Obamacare, it’s going to taste just that much sweeter, knowing who they cast their lot with.



A Supreme Court Seat was so important to them that they voted for the “grab ’em by the pussy” guy. That’s the thing with conservatives. They get so desperate to maintain the status quo and fight progress that they make unholy alliances. Let’s face it, once Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act and pushed for the Civil Rights Act the states that made up the Confederacy, where Jim Crow ruled the roost, all started voting for Republicans starting with Nixon. That’s undeniable fact, as much as morons like Dinesh D’Felona say otherwise.

Rather than win on the merits of their policies, Republicans started blowing dog whistles for racists. They started creating the cartoonishly inaccurate picture of the black welfare queen. They began cozying up to the Confederate flag and defending its “legacy” or “heritage” of rebellion, instead of speaking to the context of said rebellion. Namely, that context was, “Owning as many black people as property for as long as we can.” So the idea that the religious right would team-up with scumbags is nothing new.


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It’s just that, for someone like me who abandoned the GOP and conservatism in large part because of the hypocrisy of the religious right, it’s all even tastier. There’s nothing “small government” about telling two adults they can’t get married, or telling a woman who was raped to get over it and have the rape baby. But these are two instances where the Republican Party’s been absolutely corrupted by the evangelical crowd. I can say that as a liberal I actually like the idea of an agile government, small enough to know its place in things like marriage or which plants you can grow, dry, cure, chop up, roll up, and smoke.

But the fundies fuck alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll that up and instead force the GOP to act like vicars instead of human beings, willing to compromise.

So I just hope the Republican Party enjoys their heaping helping of humble pie today. I hope that one day they can take a good, hard look at themselves and realize it’s time to tell the religious right they need to chill the fuck out a bit. Besides, it’s not like it makes any sense to be the “pro-life” party when you literally don’t care what happens to the babies you force everyone to have once they spring forth from their mother’s, you know, wherever…Because this Trump Train they boarded with blindfolds isn’t just off the track, it’s over the cliff and barreling to the bottom like a cartoon coyote.

 

 

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About James Schlarmann 1431 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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