Right-Wing Televangelist Jim Bakker Declares Trump Messiah

Telewhackjob Jim Bakker compared Fuhror Trump to Saint Peter back in October. He said just like Peter was frequently “foolish” and “cursing and swearing,” he “didn’t hesitate” to follow Jesus; Trump will not either.

The pastor with him at the time agreed, stating:

“Jesus chose a businessman to give him governmental keys to restore the kingdom,” Wallnau said. “Jesus is putting his hand on a Peter right now; like you’re just saying, it’s a businessman. Trump is a businessman with the keys of the kingdom right now to wreck what hell has been doing over the United States.”

I can certainly agree it feels like hell here on earth right now, but I’m not sure Cheetolini is the cure for what ails us.

In November, Bucket ‘O Bakker declared Trumpolini might just usher in the Last Days. In between shilling freeze-dried bunker bologna, he said, “Trump may rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem and hasten Jewish immigration to Israel.” Is this another wall or what? Somehow Putin is Biblically involved – in a good way. You know, because Jesus loved dick-taters.

“Putin and Trump, I don’t know what’s going on, but they’re talking about helping Israel rebuild their Temple. When they start talking about building the Temple and the Jews all coming back to Israel, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords comes after that.”

We can agree on one thing. None of us know what in the hell is going on! Shut it down!



By today, Finger Lickin’ Chicken Jim Bakker devoted an entire portion of his show to extolling Trump as the messiah, or at a minimum the second coming of John the Baptist, whom the true messiah will be just behind. Mysterious rabbis are allegedly researching if Trump’s name actually translates to “messiah.” (Spoiler: HAHAHAHAHA!)

Other than the obvious similarities to Christ, like his…umm…well…the other clues include the president-elect is “a kingly and warrior-like leader committed to protecting Israel and rebuilding the Temple of Jerusalem.”

If Trump turns out to only be a John the Baptist-like figure, then his inauguration will signal the beginning of the “countdown to the appearance of the messiah.” But the “rabbis” who “do think he is the messiah,” Horn said, are looking for proof that Trump’s “bloodline goes back to the Davidic dynasty.”

Trump seems more like Goliath to me than David, but maybe I haven’t eaten enough sacrificial freeze dried Ginsu survivalist crap to understand. Somebody get me a slingshot!

Just in case you were worried the Antichrist is about to materialize, we have been assured by these fine men of the lord he is definitely not Trump. Wow, I feel better. Don’t you?

Jesus Christ on a fried chicken stick. Jim Bakker makes fundagelicals seem sane!

Shake N Bake!

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About Renee Webb 317 Articles
Renee is a recovering Conservative who lives at the intersection of the Bible Belt and the Hypocrisy Highway.
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