LOL! Even With Russian Meddling, Trump Was Still The Least Popularly Elected President Ever

Sometimes, when I can get away from the noise and hysteria that the far left is going through over Trump’s presidency, I can’t help but laugh at what a whiny winner he is, and how stupid his Republican Party looks.

Don’t get me wrong — Donald Trump is such a buffoon, such an unqualified and ill-prepared tantrum-throwing toddler that his shit show of an administration has real dangerous potential to break a lot of shit in a short period of time. It’s amazing to me that Republicans are dancing in the streets with Russian operatives. Just stop and think about that for thirty seconds. Four years ago they laughed at us when we laughed at them about the threat Russia posed to the world, despite being a far weaker country than America is both militarily and economically. Now? They’re cozying up to Vladimir Putin faster than Meghan McCain would sell out her dad to defend Donald Trump.

It’s disturbing as hell to think that a fascist asshole like Putin now has the ear of our president, but then again…

It’s also truly hilarious that even with a pretty powerful foreign country helping him, he still couldn’t muster more votes than Hillary Clinton. In fact, it’s kind of a slam on both Trump and Putin that they couldn’t really win the election without the Electoral College’s arcane bullshit. All that money spent, all those hours devoted to demonizing Hillary, and they still couldn’t convince more actual Americans to vote for Trump. In point of fact, when you add up the votes of all of his competitors, Trump lost by about ten million votes total.

The unvarnished truth? Trump’s loss in the popular vote is truly historic. The biggest one ever for a guy who wound-up being president anyway, in fact.

If were Putin I’d feel like a little fuck boy right now. I’d feel pretty inadequate. Sure, I just helped elect the dumbest, weakest, most feckless man to be president ever, but he’s so hated and despised he’ll probably last a single term, if he doesn’t get his ass impeached first when all the evidence comes to light. So, great job I guess, Putin, way to be so good at what you do that you barely succeeded and if it weren’t for the founders being elitist douchebags 240 years ago, you’d have been the loser in this game you played.

Some people have suggested that we should stop harping on the popular vote. They say that since the Constitution doesn’t provide for awarding the presidency to the person who has the support of more Americans — I mean, who would be so silly as to suggest that the majority opinion should win? — and that banging this drum too much longer will only create bitter resentment and hostility among Americans on the left and ride side of the political divide. So they ask me why I keep writing about it.

I can answer that really easily.

Because it clearly bores deep, deep inside Trump’s psyche and hangs out there. What better way to troll an egomaniacal septugenarian than to consistently remind him how much people truly despise him? Sure, many millions of people voted for him because he chose to put “(R)” next to his name, but 75 million people voted for candidates other than himself, and he came up 3 million votes shy of Hillary Clinton. He’s truly, undeniably, literally the least popularly elected president in our country’s history.

This issue is important now and will gain importance with every blunder, gaffe, mistake, and major fuck-up Trump commits. It’s important that more Americans didn’t want him because it speaks to how well supported and desired his actions will be. Republicans want us to swallow this notion that real Americans took their country back. Bullshit. Over 130 million real Americans cast their votes from all over the country and all over the political spectrum, and the simple reality is that Donald Trump lost the popular vote in embarrassing fashion, and that’s why he’s lashed out over and over again about it.

I love that he keeps insisting that he could’ve won the popular vote if he’d only tried. I remember hearing these kinds of boasts in school from kids who would try to make up for their failures by blaming it on a simple lack of trying. Trump is basically acting like a team who loses a baseball game and blames it on the ground rules of the stadium instead scoring fewer runs than their opponent. What an utter crock of Trumpshit.  If he couldn’t even muster more votes than Hillary with the alley-oop assistance of Vladimir Putin, there is no way on the face of this planet that Donald Trump would have beaten anybody in a popular vote contest, not even if Satan himself were the Democratic nominee.




In fact, Republicans pretty much behaved as if Satan was his opponent, and they still couldn’t manage to convince more Americans to support Trump over her. So, I rate that claim — as well as any others that indicate Trump would have won the popular vote — as utter and complete dogshit lies. Or you know “Pants on Fire” if you want to keep it PG, I guess.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1138 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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