NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Hillary Rodham Clinton presidential campaign announced plans for bumper stickers and t-shirts emblazoned with their candidate’s new slogan, “Meh.”
The slogan change comes on the heels of Ms. Clinton winning the endorsement of her fiercest and most stalwart Democratic primary challenger, Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT). Several Clinton camp staffers have told the press the slogan is meant to capitalize on the general feeling of apathy that they hope Sanders supporters will now feel toward the election, and that it will inspire them to accept the status quo as a “perfectly acceptable alternative to substantive change,” one aide told a newspaper in New Jersey.
The campaign also considered, “She Could Be Worse” and “Frankly, She’s Not Trump” as well as “She’ll Disappoint You Just The Same As Obama Did.” Other slogans that could still be unveiled by Team Clinton are, “She’s Like Bernie, For Now, Until She’s Not,” and “I Like Triangulating, Cynical Politicians Like Hillary!” Focus groups reportedly also tested well with the slogan, “I’ll Vote For Another Clinton In 20 Years Because Change Is Hard!”
“We understand that familial political dynasties are kind of the exact opposite of what the Founders probably had in mind,” Helen Sussman, Chief Deputy Assistant Media Liaison for the Clinton campaign, told reporters this morning, “but well, YOLO! Also, we have to just keep reminding you, she’s not Trump. And any time you feel sad about being force fed a milquetoast status quo sellout tool of the One Percent, just remember — she’s not Trump.”
In one campaign meeting, Sussman says the idea of making their new slogan, “She’s Like Pokemon Go For Politicians, Just Way Less Popular.”
“Will things get better under Hillary? Probably not for most,” Sussman said at the presser, “but hey, four or eight more years of a stagnant and floundering economy will be fine, and also don’t forget — she’s not Donald Trump!”
Sussman said that one slogan that nearly made the cut was “Sure, A Bucket Of Vomit Could Beat Trump, But Thanks For Fearing Him Enough to Shun The Guy Who’s Not Bought and Paid For By The Same People You Say We Need To Get Out Of Our Politics,” but was ultimately dumped because “it had way too many fucking words in it,” Sussman reported. Ms. Sussman also addressed some questions from reporters about whether enough voters will feel Clinton will be unbiased enough to help separate Wall Street from Washington.
“Panama Papers? What are they? All we know is that she’s not Donald Trump,” Sussman said, adding, “and that’s all the American people need to focus on. Not their general feeling of disappointment in yet another election cycle where the lesser of two evils is the only viable option, but just the fact that Hillary isn’t Donald Trump, and she really hates him, no matter how many ear-to-ear smiles she’s got in however many pictures there are of the two of them together at various events.”
The new “Meh” slogan will be seen on campaign merchandise starting in the next few weeks.
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