In Seattle, Republican Bullshit Lies About the Minimum Wage Are Being Debunked

“Raising the minimum wage always has a massive, negative impact on jobs and small business!”

EmpireStrikesBack003How many of you have been yelled at about the minimum wage like that? I know have, many times, usually by people who then tell me to “read an economics” book and then call me a “libtard” or a “sheeple.”

According to the country’s largest payroll processor though, all those people may in fact be utterly and completely full of shit, which should only surprise people who have never studied history even in the slightest, or people who believe all taxes are theft and that government is bad unless it’s forcing gay people into the closet or blowing up civilians in pursuit of terrorists.

According to ADP, the State of Washington is kicking serious ass in terms of job growth, despite their allegedly jobs-killing minimum wage being the highest in the nation ($9.47 an hour) that’s scheduled to go up to $15 an hour within three to seven years. In fact, in their “Workforce Vitality Report, Washington was tops in the country in job growth. The term that ADP’s report used was “far outpacing” to describe how many more jobs are being created in Super-Communist Seattle and the surrounding areas, so if you catch a whiff of something acrid and putrid coming from the Evergreen State, it’s another right-wing, anti-populist talking point going up in smoke.

Per Media Matters:

On February 15, The Seattle Times reported that Washington was “far outpacing” other states in job and wage growth for the fourth quarter of 2015, according to the most recent ADP Workforce Vitality Report. ADP gave Washington a job and wage growth score of 117.9 on its Workforce Vitality Index, besting the average national score by over 11 points. The index looks at “key labor market indicators, such as employment growth, job turnover, wage growth and hours worked.” (source)

Something tells me despite being a week old that no one who watches Fox News heard this story.


In fact, despite the fact that you cannot point to a single time that the minimum wage has been raised and there was a direct and immediate sharp drop in employment, conservatives will always believe the minimum wage is only harmful. The minimum wage as one of the most concrete tools we have to enforce our ban on slavery in this country. Of course, they are the ones who tell you that people should be allowed to enter into indentured servitude for the rest of their lives, if they want to,so I’m not sure even if you could convince them no minimum wage is like slavery that they’d actually think that was such a bad idea altogether.

I’ve seen studies offered up by right-wingers that claim to show an impact on jobs, but it’s always framed more in terms of “Jobs would have grown faster were it not for minimum wage,” as if the only measure of the success of an economy is full employment or how quickly shitty-paying jobs are created. When you’re the group that values profits over people, it’s not surprising, just sad that all these years on from the 19th century, they’re pushing the same Laissez-Faire approach that nearly collapsed our economy back then.

The law of supply and demand does dictate that you can’t just set your minimum wage at any old number and not have an impact on the economy, but historical data and common sense shows us that we’re nowhere near that point, and never have been. In fact, I often want to ask those who sarcastically suggest we ask for the minimum wage to be jacked-up to a million dollars a second if they realize that by their own idiotic logic I should tell them to lower the minimum wage to zero. That way, in their ever-impressive logical reasoning, we’d not have any unemployment.

But then they’d just say, “The real minimum wage IS zero, libtard,” and completely miss my point about slavery.

Clearly though, we’re nowhere near that tipping point. The fact is that mega-corporations like WalMart and McDonald’s have taxpayer support for their business models baked-in. They literally help walk their hourly employees through the process of applying for social welfare programs. Considering that average WalMart’ costs taxpayers more than $6 billion, who can make an actually sane argument against raising the minimum wage at least for employers like them who clearly use the kindness of taxpayers to pad their margins?

Sure, conservatives can, but remember I said “sane” argument, not demagoguery and bullshit.

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About James Schlarmann 1408 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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