Where Do I Sign Up For Taco Trucks On Every Corner?

I live in San Diego. Taco Trucks on every corner doesn’t scare me, it’s my reality. And reality is tasty as fuck.

Okay, so the real reality of San Diego is that there aren’t necessarily taco trucks on every corner, but you can’t throw a rock more than a foot or two without hitting a taco shop. They’re pretty much the same thing as a taco truck, except you take the wheels off and put everything in a building, like a traditional restaurant. Let me be very clear here: tacos are fucking rad. And just about anything involving tacos is going to be a good thing.

It’s really not a threat in the least bit to the security of the country to have a taco truck on every corner. In fact, to me that sounds like maybe the greatest thing ever. Well, maybe my IBS would eventually keep me from visiting the corner taco truck every day, but really, truly, tacos are just perfect. Trump’s guy said that if we’re not careful we’ll have taco-y goodness on every street corner? Umm, where the fuck do I sign up for that existence, and can we go back in time so we can retroactively put taco trucks on every corner?

I didn’t always live in the taco capital of the world (well, outside of Mexico anyway). I grew up in a small mountain town that thankfully had a large enough Mexican immigrant population that we had a couple semi-okay places to get tacos. But you really haven’t had tacos until you’ve had San Diego tacos. So I guess we should figure out from Trump’s dude what kind of taco quality we’re talking about here.

Then again, I’m such a taco whore I’ll even eat the space tacos from Jack in the Box. We call them space tacos because the ingredients in them are probably from another planet, but we really don’t care because for $1.19 you can get two of the greasiest taco pocket type food items you’ll find this side of the Mississipp…but you’ll eat the fuck out of them. Because tacos are, not to belabor the point, fucking amazeballsrad.




That’s what cracks me up about Trump and the whole angry, white Republican thing he’s cultivating right now. They’re all so clueless, they don’t realize that the vast majority of Americans aren’t scared of Mexicans, and certainly not to the point where we’d take rhetoric about taco trucks on every corner as being anything but an invitation to a pretty great time. They can do all the “Ooga Booga”ing they want over Mexican immigrants and culture, but the demographics of this country are such that we have enough Mexican immigrants assimilated and settled here for the fear mongering to be pointless among mainstream Americans.

A taco truck on every corner? Don’t threaten me with a good time, Sonny Jim!

 

The only real drawback for me, anyway, to a taco truck on every corner is that I would probably gain about thirty to a hundred billion pounds a month. That’s how much taco action I would be in on, if I could live in a world where every single street corner had a taco truck. If you haven’t had tacos al carbon, you are either a terrorist who hates freedom, or you’re sadly an American who hasn’t had tacos al carbon yet, and therefore don’t know just how glorious taco truck tacos are.

I realize, though, that Trump fans — contrary to popular perception — can read. And maybe they stumbled onto this piece somehow. I feel like Trump fans might really not understand how good tacos are, because they might…oh…I don’t know, think that Mexico is intentionally sending rapists, murderers, and drug dealers to America to take over America from within via the WELFARE STATE. So they avoid literally anything too Mexican.

Related Fake News:

Tennessee Republican Wants Taco Bell Shut Down For ‘Being Too Mexican’

 

For those special Lovers of Trump, let me just try to give hem but a brief glimpse into the beauty that is the taco.

Guys, check it out. Tacos, are, like, freedom wrapped in a delicious blanket of corn or flour..your choice. See how freedomy tacos are? You have liberty to choose which ever beautiful tortilla — excuse me — Mexican disc bread — you wrap your taco filling in. And guess what? While you can have just vegetables in your tacos, traditionally, they’re filled with meat. GLORIOUS meat. GLORIOUS, NON-LIBTARDED VEGAN MEAT PRODUCT REPLACEMENT BULLSHIT!  What the Sweet George Jesus Fucking Washington Christ is more Americanistic than meat?

Nothing. The answer is goddamned nothing.

Anyway, that’s what tacos are, Trump Supporters. They’re just Mexican disc bread wrapped around the most American thing on Earth — meat.

Don’t fear the tacos, Trump lovers. Embrace the tacos. The tacos aren’t going anywhere…but in my mouth.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1472 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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