A Statement from Barack Obama’s Real Birth Certificate About Trump’s Complaints of Witch Hunts

This website was provided with the following statement, released on behalf former President Barack Obama’s real, authentic birth certificate. The statement was addressed directly to President Donald Trump.

Donald,

I woke up this morning and got onto Twitter, and was absolutely shocked — shocked, I tell you! — to find that you had tweeted a whiny, self-pitying bleating about how you’re the victim of a “witch hunt. Here’s your tweet, in case all the KFC, farts, and racism in your body have made you incapable of remembering what you tweeted a few hours ago. God knows you tweet so much stupid, unverified, wholly fictional bullshit on the daily that it might make it confusing when someone wants to speak about a specific stupid tweet. So here it is, to refresh your memory:

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!

In response, as Barack Hussein Obama’s official, long form birth certificate, let me just say:

Fuck off, Apricot Pol Pot.

Thanks!

Sincerely,

Barack Hussein Obama’s Official, Long Form Birth Certificate

P.S. Enjoy your permanent stay in the history books as the worst president with the shortest tenure in office, ever, fuckwad.

P.P.S. Eat a chocolate dick.

P.P.P.S. No one forgot how you tried to de-legitimize Barack and me, you petty, racist fuck.

P.P.P.S. Sorry, I know how much an abundance of “P” excites you, Comrade.

P.P.P.P.S. Checked your microwaves for bugs yet, you dummy?

P.P.P.P.P.S. Stop trying to fuck your daughter, you nasty piece of shit. Not because she’s too good for you. She’s a horrid, complicit trust fund plutocrat. It’s gross. Normal people don’t do that shit.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. If there really was a witch hunt, Kellyanne Conway would be fucked eight ways from Sunday…you know, like you’d love to do to ‘Vanka.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Allahu Ackbar! (LOL!)

The White House at the time of publication could not be reached for comment.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1349 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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