Family Story Chapter One: Gun Show Groupie

a blond boy is holding a gun on blue

As a nation we have become that guy…That dumb sumbitch whose neglected family lives in a single wide with a blue tarp on the roof and several derelict vehicles full of rotting trash in the field and muddy potholed dirt driveway. Daryl Junior is failing 4th grade and walks into things cuz ain’t nobody got no money to get him them fancy glasses, and sometimes he cries himself to sleep from that abscessed​ buck tooth. Daddy says there ain’t no call to waste money on no liberal dentist cuz it’s gonna fall out on its own anyhow, and he gonna grow a shiny new one, like them lizards do with their tails when a crow gets after em.

Little Ruby Sue sure could use a few pairs of new trousers from the Walmart since her’s all come up to mid shin, and she gets off the bus crying all the time cuz them other kids keep calling her “highwater” and asking her “when’s the flood comin – need help fillin’ them sandbags?”…Momma says she don’t need no fancy clothes like Tomi Lahren wears till she hits courtin’ age and till then it’s just a waste of money.

Momma gets to get her a few things every now n then with her tips from waitressin’ at the truck stop, like that purdy butterfly and tribal tattoo she got on her nether bits, some pink camo Romeo’s and of course her Marbs…


Know what ain’t a waste of money though? GUNS! LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF GUNS! Daryl Sr. has two closets and three gun safes FULL OF GUNS! He spends every weekend and almost every dime he makes down at the weekly gun show at the county fairgrounds exhibition hall. Hell, he’s a gun show groupie! Even when he don’t find no new firepower to put on the 38.9% APR Visa, he always finds something good, like some books to learn more about them snowflake sissy sons-a-bitches and their satanic plan to brainwash his kids into politically correct, vaginized-vegan, transgendered communists who hate Jesus!

There’s all kinda intellectual picture books about his people’s struggle, and sometimes there’s even celebrities and scholars there to autograph em, like the time Daryl got his picture took with Ted Nugent while they was holdin’ an AR-15 together, just like the one Ted threatened to shoot Barack HUSSEIN Obama with that time he really sent the snowflakes runnin’ for their safe spaces!

Daryl is a pragmatist and a thinker, so he knows it’s entirely possible that one day an armed criminal could try and break into his aluminum castle, and if they do, then logically he won’t need a gun of his own. Nope. He’ll need every one of the 237 and counting that are in his “arsenal”. And even then, he still feels real vulnerable.

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