No, Tomi Lahren I Don’t Wish You Dead. I Wouldn’t Do That To Satan.

Tomi Lahren, professional attention whore and B-Team Ann Coulter, is in dire need of a safe space.

Sad.

You can add Tomi’s name right next to her new tangerine führer’s as someone who can clearly dish it but not take it. Nazi Barbie is all in a snit because — gasp! — someone started a hashtag death hoax about her. The Teutonic Snowflake was apparently so triggered by seeing the hashtag #RIPTomiLahren trending, she took to her Facebook page and wrote a long-winded diatribe about it, below.

I like this quote from her post a lot.

Some are so bitter, so bored and so empty they have to ignite a death hoax to feel important. Sorry folks, I’m still very much alive and stronger than ever. (source)

I like the quote because it’s a perfect example of how fucking clueless — intentional or otherwise — Tomi is. First, I love how she just conjures up the reason the tag was created as being “bitter” or “bored” or “empty” people. It could’ve been one of her friends having a laugh, but she has no idea. The best part though, is that her entire post is a big, big whine and essentially a complaint that real life isn’t a safe space for her. The irony is almost too much.

No one should be surprised though. This is the woman who was so incensed by Colin Kaepernick’s peaceful protest that she became a viral sensation over her rant about it. Her entire complaint about Kaepernick and those who join him in protesting the anthem is an attempt to create a safe space for conservatives like her. She doesn’t want to have to be confronted with the idea that America isn’t some lily white land of perfect little people who aren’t victims of discrimination. So she gets super-duper pissed when she’s hit with an opposing view, that gives her a sad, and she goes off on a rant, basically demanding she and her fellow conservatives be allowed to say, think, and act however they want to without consequences.

The irony is almost too much for me when Tomi accuses liberals of not being able to “win on their ideas, policies, or character traits.”

See, the Left, the so-called “social justice warriors” are so threatened by fearless voices. They can’t win on their ideas, policies or character traits so they are forced to wish death on their opposition. It’s sad, truly. I’ve seen countless examples of the intolerant and unloving left- many examples I’ve kept to myself. (source)

Um, Tomi? Your guy won by a thin margin of about 80,000 votes cast in three swing states. On aggregate Americans — you know the “people” part of “We, the people” — voted to reject conservatives and Republicans by much, much larger margins. Your guy is now the least popularly elected president of all time. Your side can preen and prance about like you won some massive, sweeping victory but math, you neo-fascist twit, shows an entirely different story.

Take away the gerrymandering your side has done and they could easily lose the House. Your side’s margin of majority in the Senate is paper thin and not filibuster-proof. Nowhere is there any evidence that progressives can’t win, not when minimum wage hikes in red states were approved and pot is being legalized all over the place, dummy.

All told, if you add up the votes for Hillary Clinton, Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, and everyone else who did not want Trump, you get to about 74 million votes, which trump Trump by about 12 million votes. Sure, you can take away Stein and Johnson’s numbers, but you still get to a number higher than Trump’s without them. The argument that liberal ideas aren’t popular is just unmitigated bullshit.

Someone should remind Tomi that President Barack Obama ran a progressive, liberal minded campaign — two of them — and won…twice. His approval rating sits at 57%, which means his policies are popular enough. Ms. Lahren is just desperately trying to keep a narrative going that Trump is the savior, the super-popular savior no less, and that anyone who opposes him are just mean-spirited people that wish her dead.

For someone who claims to love free speech, the Constitution, and debate with people of opposing viewpoints, she sure does whine a whole hell of a lot whenever she’s forced to do just that.

In fact, within her whine over #RIPTomiLahren, she tells an anecdote about a woman who approached her and told her how Lahren’s show and opinions hurt the woman and her blended family. And herein we see that Tomi’s desperate need for a sheltered, protected, snowflake friendly zone is very real and very urgent. Tomi talks about being confronted by the woman who kept hounding Lahren and her friend about their views, and while what the woman was doing may have not been very sensitive to Tomi’s desire to have a personal life, cry me a fucking river.

Tomi is a public figure and shouldn’t be if she has a problem with being confronted about her outspoken, vocal, extremely loud opinions.

What I take extreme umbrage to is Tomi’s claim that only liberals take things too far. Only liberals wish death on their political foes. What hogwash. For starters, here’s the first in a series of pieces I wrote about the utter vitriol and murderous, antisemitic shit I was accosted by on Twitter during the election:

The Best Of Racist and Bigoted Twitter: Installment #1

All this recent discussion of the so-called “alt-right” in American politics got me to thinking we needed a new feature on Modern Liberals. While I realize that racism is completely dead in America, and while I understand that even remotely addressing obvious racism in the country means I’m a race hustler and just “riling up them blacks,” I decided to start curating the racist and bigoted tweets I found on Twitter for you all.

I’m one of dozens of people who have publicly documented the abuse I got from neo-Nazi Trump supporters. Tomi Lahren is one of the most vocal supporters Trump has. She can’t be so fucking stupid and/or naive as to criticize liberals for being violent toward people they disagree with when she has little green racist frogs surrounding her every tweet, right? And this is just really the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been told be right-wingers I should be tossed out of a helicopter like Pinochet did to socialists in Chile. I’ve been told I should burn in ovens and that my political views are a “mental disease.”




Far be it for me to imply that liberals aren’t capable of saying and doing stupid shit. But I’m also intellectually honest, which Tomi clearly isn’t. The bottom line though, is simple. I’m not sure what the motivations were for people starting the #RIPTomiLahren tag, but I can understand someone being so fed up with her one-sides tantrums and race baiting to the point of wishing she wasn’t in the public eye any longer.

Would I wish her dead, though? I’m one of those crazy bastards that likes my political foes alive and vocal. It makes it so much easier to point out how fucking stupid they and their views are when they’re spewing them. Tomi Lahren could do a lot more damage to the conservative brand alive than dead anyway.

No, Tomi Lahren, I don’t wish you dead. I wouldn’t do that to Satan, and he’s surrounded by hypocrites, liars, and assholes as it is already. I just think you’d be one hypocritical, lying piece of shit too many.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1445 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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