(A Specific) Someone Needs to Knock Manny Pacquiao The Fuck Out

Let’s just establish this: Manny Pacquiao is a boxer. Therefore it is totally fair and in bounds for me wish that someone knocks him the fuck out. I’m not advocating someone on the streets do it, I’m saying someone needs to knock Manny the fuck out, professionally, for his recent vile and disgusting comments about gay people.

In case you missed it, Pacquiao, who it should be noted is paid large sums of money to have people beat the hell out his skull on purpose, said the following about homosexuals, as reported by the AP:

“It’s just common sense,” Pacquiao said in the remarks posted online by the TV5 network. “Have you seen any animal having male-to-male or female-to-female relations?”

Animals, he said, were better because they recognize gender differences, and “if you have male-to-male or female-to-female [relationships], then people are worse than animals.” (source)

Now, to be fair, let me make sure I show you his bullshit apology he posted to several social media outlets:

I’m sorry for hurting people by comparing homosexuals to animals. Please forgive me for those I’ve hurt. I still stand on my belief that I’m against same sex marriage because of what the Bible says, but I’m not condemning LGBT. I love you all with the love of the Lord. God Bless you all and I’m praying for you. (source)

So, first of all, an apology isn’t an apology if you just turn around and recommit the foul that got you to the point you were apologizing for in the first place. It’s totally cool and all that he stands on the “belief” that he’s “against same sex marriage because of what the Bible says,” but as soon as he says he’s against them having the same things he has, he’s condemning them. It’s an empty apology.

If the apology is empty, that means he genuinely feels that it’s “just common sense” that animals are better than gay humans because they “recognize gender differences.” Which means he’s maybe taken too many blows to the head and doesn’t realize how idiotic he sounds because we’ve all seen two male dogs fucking each other if they get horny enough. If anything, the animal kingdom argument really blows up in bigots’ faces. Homosexual coupling happens in species outside our own all the time. If his apology is empty then he thinks gay people are “worse than animals,” and he’s just sorry he caused a backlash, not that he feels that way.

Back to the idea that someone needs to knock him the fuck out. I think it needs to be an openly gay boxer, I really do. I know, I should “take the high road” and “have compassion” for him, right? I should hope he’s gently shown the light, right? Fuck that. Pacquiao has political aspirations, which means one day he might try to write a law some time that makes the LGBT community a sub-class.

He needs to have any thoughts like that literally pounded out of his skull.

So, do we know any openly gay boxers? Believe it or not, my intensive (read: very quick, 30 second Googling) research turned up a few names of openly gay boxers. I’ll admit that baseball is my sport, not boxing, so I have no idea if any of them are still boxing or are in Manny’s weight class. I guess, then, I’m putting out the call for any openly gay boxers who are in Manny Pacquiao’s weight class to get in the ring with him.

Pacquiao is obviously one of those people who needs it demonstrated to him that LGBT people are not any different from the rest of us. Comparing them to animals lower on the food chain just proves that deep-down he feels superior to them. To me, that means losing a sport he dominates to a gay person could perhaps humble him in all the right ways. And it just so happens that for him to lose in his sport, it involves him getting his ass kicked.

Talk about your classic “win-win.”

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About James Schlarmann 1472 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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