Hey Trump Administration! Here’s My IP Address: 192.168.FUK.YOU

American flag blowing, close-up

So, pretty much I don’t ever, ever, ever want to hear a single, solitary person who voted for Donald Trump tell me that their diarrhea-faced tyrant in chief respects anything about the Constitution. Well, he probably loves the Electoral College for obvious reasons, but outside that, it’s obvious that he, and his Department of Justice under the direction of Racist Relic Jeff Sessions, really don’t respect a fucking thing about it. In their infinite wisdom, the Trump DOJ has requested the IP addresses of over 1.3 million people who logged onto disruptj20.org, a website dedicated to resisting, you guessed, President Piss Party.

Forbes reported that the Department of Justice has demanded the internet addresses of the people who used distruptj20.org, because they say they could contain information on people who rioted on Inauguration Day.

It published a search warrant Monday signed July 12th, in which a District of Colombia court said DreamHost had to hand over records from disruptj20.org covering “the individuals who participated, planned, organized, or incited the January 20 riot,” Trump’s inauguration day. (source)

Um, first of all? What fucking riot took place on January 20th? I’d love to ask the Racist Hooded Cookie Elf, or the orange twat waffle where, exactly, they saw people full-scale rioting on January 20th. I saw massive demonstrations against them. And maybe there was some isolated property damage here and there, but a riot? Please, back the fuck up with that nonsense. Secondly, excuse the living piss out of me? The government is now trying to compel a private company to hand over private information on political dissenters, and Republicans are the ones supporting that idea, not broadly condemning it?

What fucking world do we live in now? The Fourth Amendment is rolling over in its grave. If you thought the Patriot Act was bad — and it’s certainly horrific — then you have to be livid about this horse shit. Are they really trying to get us to believe that over 1.3 million people conspired to riot on that day? Is the argument here really that they want to bring people to justice for rioting or looting? We haven’t even established that there was a riot, but we’re supposed to be okay with the government cyber stalking people based on a website they frequent?

Unless the website in question is run by people openly advocating the overthrow of our government, this move smacks of authoritarian oppression. Even if they don’t succeed in getting the IP addresses, they could have just put a chill on resistance websites. After all, people will probably be less likely to visit TrumpsACockFace.org if they know they’re going to end up being on a list and questioned by the Trumpstapo, right? Right.




This is no different than if someone had taken a building they paid rent on and turned it into a “Fuck Donald Trump” club. They could put up a big sign that said, “Fuck Donald Trump,” and all kinds of posters with pictures of Trump on it that say, “Fuck this guy.” And they could meet at this club to discuss ways to lawfully and peacefully resist Trump’s agenda. And basically what the Department of Justice is arguing now, is that they have a right to know who is a member of the “Fuck Donald Trump” club.

They don’t have a right to know that. The government has no compelling reason — other than to stifle dissent — to know who’s in the Fuck Donald Trump Club. They similarly do not enjoy a right to the IP addresses of people visiting the online equivalent of the Fuck Donald Trump Club. It strikes me as particularly ironic and sad that the “stop tyrannical government overreach” crowd, the Republicans, are the ones backing this nonsense.

First they wanted our voter roll information. Then they wanted our IP addresses. What’s next? Who knows. But somewhere Richard Nixon is beating off furiously over all this fascistic, authoritarian bullshit.

I decided, in the end though, to just comply. I want to give the Trump administration my IP address willingly…voluntarily. I mean, I have nothing to hide, so what do I care?

Why would I care that the same people who argue we can’t have a registry of people who own deadly firearms now wants to know my IP address? Why should I have any concerns about a presidential administration who can’t even be truthful about the size of their inauguration crowds has a way to track my online habits? I mean, who gives a fuck, after all, about the Bill of Right’s protections against our government treating us as if our human rights don’t matter?

So you know what? Here goes! Here’s my IP address, Trump administration. Have at.

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About James Schlarmann 1444 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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