Trump’s Popular Vote Loss Could Be His “Telltale Heart”

I’m starting to think that Donald Trump losing the popular vote may be the thing that does the most damage to and impedes his agenda the most. My good friend Laurie Crosswell tweeted something that I think is a really great observation this morning, and it speaks to the very same feeling I had about Trump’s realization that so many millions more Americans voted against him than for him.

Here’s Laurie’s tweet:

https://twitter.com/lauriecrosswell/status/803291379967361024

She’s referring to Edgar Allen Poe’s classic story “A Telltale Heart,” in which a man nearly gets away with murder. A hallucination about hearing his victim’s heart still beating drives him mad, though. The lunacy forces him to confess to the murder, ultimately leading his guilt to be his undoing. Now, I’m not so sure that Trump has anything scientists would refer to as “guilt” in his emotional cache to pull from, but I do know for damn sure he’s got hubris for days, and that toxic, misplaced pride is absolutely driving his narcissistic need to be the most popular, well-loved person ever to occupy the White House.

Laurie was onto something. Look at the tweets that Trump has sent on this issue, then try to convince me he’s not becoming ever more unnerved at that he lost the popular vote so badly.

Completely wrong, and a total lie. But he wasn’t done there.

President-Elect Fuckwit’s math, predictably, sucks. Even if you were to only focus on California and a few more heavily populated cities in bigger states, you’d only get to about one-third of the voters. That would leave more than 60% of the eligible voters in play. Since neither Trump nor Clinton won any state or county of note unanimously, Trump’s argument is falling flatter than his “hair” on a windless day.

And that’s where this particular derpy hayride ended. On good ol’ fashioned propagandizing. Never mind that no one has any proof of his claims. Just think about what this dipshit just tweeted. He literally tweeted about “serious voter fraud” in an election he fucking won. I get it, he’s saying that if there wasn’t voter fraud, his numbers would be higher, but that is an utter crock of shit, because he’d barely win the popular vote even if you tossed out the arbitrary sum of three million Hillary votes.

You want to know why I know for a fact there weren’t millions of “illegals” voting this month? Because unlike right-wing nutjobs, I get that the media does have a bias, but it’s not toward any political ideology. It’s toward sales, pure and simple.

Do you really think that any major media outlet wouldn’t jump at the chance to break a story involving millions of illegal votes being cast? Right-wingers seemingly believe the power of government is so strong the media just feels a compulsive desire to cover up liberal misdeeds.

Trump will have to square himself with, if he’s to be a good president, that he did in fact lose the popular vote, and by a significant margin. Unless this past weekend is some freaky outlier, though, there is not a remote chance in Hell that will happen. Everything we know about Trump is that his ego is bigger than anything about him. It dwarfs his money, his fame, his, um…hands…and it dominates everything about him.

Trump’s ego will not let him forget that he got his ass handed to him, as much as one can in a country where nearly half the eligible voters simply don’t vote. He’ll choose instead to lash out. He’ll go to bed at night, and instead of dreaming of all the money he’s going to dump from the back of the IRS into his own various companies’ coffers, he’ll hear the steady beats of the hearts that he couldn’t win over.

It will haunt him, and I’m hoping he has a truly stupendous meltdown over it.




I’m a clown and neither a prognosticator nor political pundit, so I can’t really say this with any certainty — but I’m starting to think a lot of Republicans voted for Trump hoping he’d meltdown so badly he’d quit, or was impeached. They’d get lantern-jawed bigot Mike Pence instead. The more Trump tweets, the more convinced I am it’s a possibility. I keep thinking that at some point someone close to Donny will pull him aside and convince him he really doesn’t want this job, and if they can get him to accept it as fact, his loss in the popular vote count could be the perfect supplement to such an argument.

But boy howdy if he doesn’t quit, this set of tweets really does illustrate the kind of shit show we’re in for. Then again, his strange public berating of Mitt Romney — a guy who he’s at least pretending to consider for Secretary of State — illustrates it. So does picking a racist judge from the 80’s as his Attorney General. Clearly questionable choices stemming from a lack of preparation are going to be the central theme of Trump’s first few months, if not his entire tenure.

So I propose we all remind Donald Trump, daily, that he lost the popular vote.

We should be the beating of the telltale hearts in the voting bloc that soundly rejected him a couple of weeks ago, no matter what his ego allows him to say otherwise. Who knows, if enough people do it on the daily, we might get him to crack in a way that would make Poe very proud. Maybe then we can at the very least avoid being subject to the whims of Reality-TV Reagan. We’d still have Buzzcut Bigot Man to deal with, but at least we know we wouldn’t wake up one morning to find out our president had declared war on California for insulting his honor.

It’s not much, but you take the little things in times such as these, don’t you?


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1175 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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