That Time Barack Obama Depleted the Secret Service Budget In Seven Months

During his eight year stint as President of the United States of America, Barack Obama was rightly criticized by the right for many terrible, and frankly un-American things he did. Who can forget when he forgot to take the latte out of his hand when he saluted a Marine? That probably should have gotten him executed for treason, or at the very least impeached and removed from office. But of course the lamestream media didn’t let Americans get too angry about that, did they?

Or how about the time that Kenyan Socialist Son of a Bitch put fucking mustard on his hamburger? Everyone knows the only American Condiment® is ketchup, not spelled “catsup” like some damn Cultural Marxist. KETCHUP. But hey, you wanna spell God’s Greatest Gift to Tomatoes like a Euro-Dick, go ahead, that’s on you. Just don’t stand there and tell we good, God fearing, ammo hoarding, American patriots that mustard goes on a goddamned hamburger!

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But you know what? I had almost forgotten about one of the most embarrassing and frankly stupid mistakes Barack O’Bummer made. Thankfully, I was reminded today, and I’d like to remind you all now. I think you’ll agree that it puts on full display just how terrible and mismanaged, dare I say “amateurish,” the Obama administration was.

Apparently, back in 2010 Obama was such a tax and spend libtard that he managed to blow right through the Secret Service’s annual budget for his own protection — in less than seven months! Can you imagine if George W. Bush had done that? Those jerks at MoveOn.Org would be calling for an investigation, and those scandal-happy Democrats would have probably held, like, dozens of hearings on it, spent millions, and probably not even gotten anything of substance out of it, unlike Republicans who never do that.

No one, of course, should be surprised that someone like Obama, who had never spent a day in his life running a company, would be so callously careless with a budget. I bet if we had some big business tycoon, maybe someone who was born into money and therefore would know exactly how best to manage it, would never do this. Like, say, if we had a New York real estate guy and alleged billionaire in the White House, there is just no damn way he’s going to spend money like a drunken sailor like Obama did.

Apparently, had a dozen more people under Secret Service protection than the guy right before him did. Also apparently, within less than seven months, more than a thousand agents hit a hard cap in salary in hours, set by Congress, and the agency couldn’t afford to pay their agents for all they work they’d done to that point. Obama traveled so much that he put these kinds of pressures and stresses on the very people whose job it is to keep him alive and safe.

I found this story in USA Today on it:

Secret Service Director Randolph “Tex” Alles, in an interview with USA TODAY, said more than 1,000 agents have already hit the federally mandated caps for salary and overtime allowances that were meant to last the entire year. (source)

Can you just imagine? What a disgrace. What a clear-cut case of fiscal malfeasance. What a total and complete insult to the American people. And the worst part is that I bet most of you never even heard of this scandal! I bet the overwhelming majority of you never even heard of this story, or that Obama had blown a year’s Secret Service budget in just over six months, in fact! And you know what?

…there’s a good reason for that.

Because it wasn’t Obama who did it. It was Donald Fuckface Trump, of course. Who else but the Gauche Gilded Gutter Geezer would even consider traveling so much that he’d have a chance of killing a years’ worth of budget in seven months? Who else but the Trump Klan would feel entitled to so much travel on the taxpayer’s backs? Sure, it sounds like a great story for the right — a runaway spending president who needs to be brought to heel (heal?), Except, well, right-wingers put him there.

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In the end, how much does it matter that Trump blew through the Secret Service annual budget in seven months? Not much, honestly. Except, well, it matters a lot and here’s why.

If the GOP weren’t constantly banging on about how out of control spending is, no one would care about this story. Presidents need protection, even piss-haired shitty ones, and so no matter what, we’ve got to foot that bill. But it’s their hypocrisy that makes this a story of note. Add to that the fact that for eight years we heard them piss, moan, complain, and outright lie about how much Obama took vacations — after watching George W. Bush spend a healthy chunk of his time in Texas on his ranch, no less — and you have yourself a hypocrisy shit sandwich that the Republicans expect us to eat.

So the next time you see a Republican congressman stand up and make a big speech about how we need to cut social safety net programs because we can’t afford this or that, keep in mind what Trump’s done with the Secret Service budget. Remember this moment every time you see some dude tell us that poor people should suffer so that rich folks get a tax cut. Every time you hear a Republican decry the spending habits of liberals, remind them that their party’s orange-tinted savior spent 365-days of Secret Service money in under seven months in office.

And then laugh them right the hell out of your face, town, and life.



About James Schlarmann 1479 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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