Little Trump’s Side Show Is Fucking Up A Perfectly Good Chance To Grill Our Next President On The Issues

You want to know what really pisses me off Little Donnie Trump’s antics? It’s takes away any chance for real, good, tough questions to get asked of Hillary Clinton.

How can the press dig in a little on her penchant for resolution via armed revolution when Dumbfuck Dump Truck Trump is joking about her being assassinated? It kind of reminds me of why Benghazi is such a joke. It’s a big, bright shiny distraction that rather ironically benefits the target of their ire.

LINCON_ASSASSINATION_JOKESLOL? No. Not LOL.

I’ve made no secret about how tightly I’m pinching-closed my nose to vote for Hillary. I’m not a woman-hating douchebag conservative; I’m just a (probably idealistic) liberal who thinks we had a better choice on the table a few weeks and months ago. But regardless, I still want to have Hillary’s feet held to the fire. If the Republican Party were even remotely sane still, the upcoming debates could afford their candidate an opportunity to ask tough questions of Hillary, if for no other reason than to help us pin her down to an actual agenda instead of triangulating the living shit out of every single issue.

That won’t happen with Donnie The Moron. He’s going to swing his fists and gnash his teeth. Or I guess he could go with an even more “baffle them with bullshit” game plan and come out gentile and austere style. But regardless, we know that he’s not going to help us get real, honest answers out of the woman who will likely be our next commander in chief.

Which would be okay, under most normal circumstances I guess, if the press was able to do their job. But right now the press can’t sit down and ask Hillary serious questions about breaking up the banks, or securing reproductive rights for future generations of women, or ensuring that Medicare and Social Security aren’t gutted and turned into voucher programs while the giant orange asshole is doing giant orange asshole things, can they? He’s a shit show of a circus, but when has humanity ever been able to peel its collective eyes away from such a sight? Never, is the answer.




Don’t get me wrong. “Joking” about having your political opponent assassinated is stupid. It’s triply stupid considering less than 50 years ago Bobby Kennedy was shot on the campaign trail. It’s exponentially more stupid when you consider that Donald Trump is the nominee of a party who was put on the map by a guy who was assassinated.  So I’m not saying we should ignore the dummy. Hell, anyone who’s read my material for the last several weeks knows how much I feed off the inanities of The Donald.

Important questions still should and need to be asked of Hillary, though. Not being a conspiracy theorist, I don’t think Donald’s a plant. But it is really super-duper fucking convenient that her opponent is such an unabashed, teetering shit show of a candidate that she gets to skate past that part of the nomination and election process. She doesn’t have to ignore questions that don’t get asked, and no one is asking tough questions because they’re too busy being understandably distracted by the flapping face of an angry orangutan.

The worst part? If Nate Silver’s to be trusted this time around, all the freaking out over Trump may not be completely necessary. As of right now, FiveThirtyEight gives Hillary an 85% chance of winning. Now, drugs and alcohol may have impaired some of my short and long-term memory, but I cannot remember it ever being that lopsided with Obama and Romney. So unless something truly crazy happens, Hillary’s going to be our next president according to the guys who have tended to get this kind of shit right for awhile now.

This all means we could take some time away from Little Donnie’s Side Show and focus on the woman who will be our duly elected chief executive in a few months. It’s fantastic that we’re breaking a glass ceiling or two, and it’s wonderful that it’s looking really likely that Trump will lose. But in the next few weeks, wouldn’t it be nice to really get a sense for who our next president will be? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get something of real substance from Hillary instead of smart-ass tweets — funny as they are — in response to Trump’s stupidity? It would be nice. But my kids still need to eat, so you won’t find me holding my breath on this one.

Thanks, Trump.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1454 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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