Trump University To Open Law School, No Mexicans or Muslims Allowed

*satire*

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Presumptive Republican presidential nominee, D-List reality-TV star, alleged billionaire, and bankruptcy court veteran Donald J. Trump will be opening a law school under his Trump University banner, and no Muslims or Mexicans will be admitted, according to leaked documents.

The documents contain emails from Trump, his campaign staff, and the administration of Trump University, which is currently the subject of a civil fraud case. That case is at the center of comments made by Trump recently, implying that both Mexican Americans and Muslim Americans cannot be trusted to be impartial, particularly toward Trump.

“The Nathan Bedford Forrest School of Law will be the best law school with the best professors,” one email says, “and we will not allow Mexicans or Muslims to attend because clearly they can’t do their job fairly, at least when they’re bombarded with racist and xenophbic rhetoric about them.”

The law school would initially open its doors to 75 new students who would only be accepted into Trump’s law school after his staff had “rigorously screened them for any Mexican heritage or Muslim sympathies.” The reason for keeping Mexican Americans and Muslims out, according to the documents, is to “ensure that downstream opportunities for these lawyers to become judges are seriously curtailed.”

“Mr. Trump is the only presidential candidate willing to tell the bold truth about Mexican American judges,” one email from the Trump campaign said, “and that truth is that they cannot be trusted if you happen to be a racist, orange-skinned political neophyte trading on racial hatred for votes and a Mexican American judge is presiding over your case. Clearly, history has shown that white judges make the best decisions, take for example Plessy versus Ferguson and Dredd Scott. Two perfect examples of white judges making a clearly unbiased decision, if ever there was one.”


After one Trump University administrator asked if the campaign was worried that independent voters would be turned off in the General Election because of all of Trump’s blatantly racist rhetoric, a campaign aide wrote back saying, “LOL, Mr. Trump’s popularity has yet to wane despite all the racist shit he’s said up to this point, and you think it’ll matter in a few months?”

Muslim candidates will be rejected as well, based on what Trump University calls “a healthy fear of Muslim American judges using their own religious beliefs, instead of American Christian ones” to guide their decision making process.”

“We all know,” the Trump U staffer’s email says, “that the only acceptable forms of religiosity in our court rooms is Christian-based. Putting the Ten Commandments in your courtroom is one thing, but having a copy of the Koran in your chambers? Why don’t you just strap on the bomb vest yourself and destroy our justice system from within?!”

In the beginning, plans are for Bedford Forrest Law to handle the kinds of court cases Trump is most familiar with — bankruptcies. But there are plans to expand their offerings within five years.

“We hope to also focus on immigration law,” one email from Trump University states, “specifically deportations. More specifically representing the government and working to ensure we send all the rapists, murderers, drug dealers, and some good people too back to Mexico, even if they are from another part of the country, didn’t come up from the Southern Border, and have absolutely no ties to Mexico whatsoever.”

This is a developing story.


Republished from The Political Garbage Chute.

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About James Schlarmann 1207 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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