I’m Sure the Administration That Lies About Meeting Foreign Agents is Keeping White House Visitor Logs Secret For a Good Reason

Nothing to see here , folks, nothing at all. Why on God’s not-so-green-anymore Earth would we worry about a presidential administration that will not stop lying about its meetings with agents working for a foreign power that we know actively tried to help them win the election keeping their visitor logs secret? Why do we even care who visits the White House?

I mean, if a Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan visits Trump, will we really care? Well, first we’ll confirm it was just Attorney General Jeff Sessions coming over to tell his boss the new racist joke he heard on the Stormfront message boards. Then, we’d probably stop caring, I’m sure, right? So just like we wouldn’t really care if a card carrying member of a domestic terrorist organization was visiting our president, we’d have similar levels of concerns over, say, Russian agents visiting the White House, I’m sure, right, my fellow libtards?

Let’s just be honest with ourselves — the fact that several members of Trump’s team have had to distance themselves from Russia, or outright quit the Trump administration because they have repeatedly lied to both the press and Congress about their contacts with Russia just doesn’t mean anything. We’re all freaking out over nothing. Why does an administration whose top cop, Sessions, having to recuse himself from the Russian hacking investigation make us think this administration has something hide, just because they keep hiding stuff?

Really, haven’t we all been in a situation where all we needed to do is tell the truth to clear-up nasty rumors about us and have chosen to lie instead? Haven’t we all hidden the fact that we were unregistered foreign agents like Paul Manafort had to? And the fact that he’s now registering as an agent of Ukraine, which is under Putin influence and control? It’s just FAKE NEWS, guys.

National Security Advisers have to step down because they lied to the Vice-President about being in contact with Russia all the time, everyone. So just because that happened to Michael Flynn, that doesn’t mean anything. Not a single, solitary — Wait, hold on, I’m getting an urgent message from Reality. Apparently this has never, ever happened before. Hmm. Weird. But still, doesn’t mean anything.

Now, you might think that we have a right to know who is visiting our president. You might think that since he has so much power, he should rightfully be held to a higher standard. You might even think that in the name of transparency the logs should be published because it would make every Republican who supports keeping the logs private a massive hypocrite since they bitched and moaned about President Obama not being as transparent as he’d promised to be either. Then again, Obama didn’t hide his visitor logs, but let’s not go thinking about things that make Trump look bad, that’s idiotic and not patriotic!




The bottom line is that we, the people, are not entitled to know who visits our elected head of state. What gives us that silly notion? Don’t we all know that presidents are above the law and scrutiny just because they’re presidents?! Well, we should all know that, and thanks to President Trump, we will all know that.

Besides all this, I’m sure that the Trump team has a great, perfectly reasonable explanation for why they’d care that the general public knows who visits the president. Maybe Trump is planning a surprise birthday party for his First Lady and he doesn’t want Ivanka reading about it in the press first? What if Trump gets regular injections of diarrhea into his body so that he never loses that New Trump smell? These are things that he deserves privacy for, and if it means not finding out he’s meeting with foreign powers and making deals behind our backs that harm us, who cares? He automatically gets what he wants because he’s rich, white, Republican, and president to boot.

So buck up, liberals. It’s time to just accept the fact that Trump plays 4D Go Fish with us. He’s got bigly good reasons for hiding who visits him at the White House. It’s just that Vladimir or Bannon haven’t told him what those reasons are yet. But once they do, you’ll all regret caring about visitor logs, I tell you what.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1349 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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