Dear GOP: We All Make Mistakes And There’s Time For You To Wipe and Flush The Trump Family

Dear Everyone in the Republican Party,

We all make mistakes. For instance, back when I was 22 I moved to Los Angeles. I was not aware of how hardcore their parking enforcement was, but over the course of about six weeks, I sure learned, as I got ticket after ticket. Being a broke nobody, I couldn’t pay the tickets, let my registration lapse, and the next thing I know, my car is getting booted and towed, and the whole ordeal to get my car back was a few hundred bucks I couldn’t really afford and had to get from my pops. Not a highlight of my life, but guess what? I haven’t made that mistake since.

Electing Donald Trump as our president was a similarly disastrous and stupid mistake that you all made. We knew it as soon as he won. How anyone would think that a trust fund racist who’d never been held to account for any of his numerous failings would be a decent and kind leader is beyond me. But I know that you guys didn’t care about that. All you cared about was finishing Mitch McConnell’s mission for him, and stealing the Supreme Court Seat from Blacky Blackerson and the Black Blacks…which you got.


RELATED SATIRE: President Trump Calls Donald Trump Jr. ‘Fake News’

I’m beginning to lose track of the Trump Klan’s many mistakes and fuck-ups. I keep getting the son who steals from kids with cancer and the son who commits attempted treason and collusion with a foreign power with the father who just steals from everyone. That’s to say nothing of the daughter and son-in-law who are treated more kindly on the assumption they aren’t as stupid or corrupt as their father or brothers and brother-in-law, but they are complicit, profiting off Don Sr.’s position, and in way, way over their skis with this whole “Peace in the Middle East” bullshit.

You got your Supreme Court Justice. You did it! Yay! Now it’s time to wipe and flush this entire mess, and Donald Trump Jr. of all people has given you all the reasoning you need. It’s kind of bizarre and weird that he released the full email chain with the Russians he was conspiring with, but maybe he figured it was time to end the charade and come clean? I don’t know, but chances are it was the fact that yet another bombshell was about to drop from The New York Times, which it did, and funnily enough, that’s when Don Jr. released the emails.

Russian Dirt on Clinton? ‘I Love It,’ Donald Trump Jr. Said

Donald Trump Jr. agreed, adding that he would likely bring along “Paul Manafort (campaign boss)” and “my brother-in-law,” Jared Kushner, now one of the president’s closest White House advisers. On June 9, the Russian lawyer was sitting in the younger Mr. Trump’s office on the 25th floor of Trump Tower, just one level below the office of the future president.

Donald Trump Jr. on Twitter

Here’s my statement and the full email chain

For most of the time that this Trump/Russia story played out, you folks have downplayed it. Sure, you paid lip service to being tough on Russia for their intrusion and transgression, but you always tried to paint this as being much ado about nothing. Well, as Rick Hasen pointed out, the emails Dumb Donny Jr. released and were the center of the latest report from The New York Times show conclusively Junior knew — or really should’ve known — he was conspiring to collude with the Russians to help Daddy.

Rick Hasen on Twitter

@DonaldJTrumpJr @katherinemiller So I think this is the part people will focus on as showing knowledge he was getting something of value from foreign source

Rick Hasen on Twitter

@DonaldJTrumpJr @katherinemiller and this about the “thing of value” itself

Rick Hasen on Twitter

@DonaldJTrumpJr @katherinemiller And as to proving “solicitation” or “coordination” under campaign laws, Trump Jr. says “If it’s what you say I love it






The charade is coming to an end. The party is quickly wrapping up, and the facts are becoming harder and harder to avoid. Maybe the Trumps didn’t know what they were doing was highly illegal. That’s absolutely possible. After all, being born rich and getting to go to good schools is absolutely no guarantor of being smart, or at the very least educated in the way our government works enough to not make such an easily avoidable mistake.

At this point only sheer hubris and partisan bullshit will keep people from jumping off the sinking ship of the SS Trumptanic. It doesn’t take that much intellectual honesty to see how damning Junior’s emails are. He has to be pretty scared at this point. He can keep playing dumb, but that doesn’t mean the rest of you have to.


RELATED: Donald Trump Jr.: World’s Stupidest Smoking Gun

The best part about this country is that we fucking love comeback stories. Hell, Robert Byrd was a racist, Klan robe wearing segregationist piece of shit for a lot of his life, and he was still able to denounce all his racism and help the black community so much he was fucking eulogized by the NAACP.

One thing is certain — it’s time to stop talking about Hillary Clinton’s emails. Because from this point forward, until the next email-centered scandal brings down another presidential administration, you guys own the email thing. There is so much unavoidable evidence of collusion and attempted collusion in Junior’s emails it’s almost shocking. But then again, not really, because again, these are people who are never, ever, ever, ever held to account.

Regardless of all that — it’s time, GOP. It’s time to just wipe and flush. It’s hard, I know, believe me, to admit when you’ve made an incredibly huge mistake. But if this guy can do it, so can all of you, and we’ll all be the better for it.

 

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About James Schlarmann 1446 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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