A Wonkette Genealogist Just Gave The World Awesome News About Travesty Lahren’s Ancestors

Here’s the thing, I’m not going to re-write someone else’s work. So let me just do as quick a summary of the situation as possible, you go read the original piece that inspired this one, and then come back here for my “hot take” on it. Deal? Deal.

So you know how Tampon Lahren is a screeching blonde fuckmuppet who says stupid shit like Black Lives Matter and the KKK are basically the same thing? You know how she tweeted this insensitive, reductive bullshit about Trump’s decision to rescind DACA?

Tomi Lahren on Twitter

We are indeed a nation of immigrants. We are also a nation of laws. Respect our laws and we welcome you. If not, bye. #DACA

I should give Tomi some credit for at least acknowledging that we are a nation founded by immigrants. A lot of conservatives these days will, in an effort to justify their anti-immigrant bigotry, split hairs about whether there were established immigration laws on the books on this continent when the Mayflower landed. But anyway, let’s not get too distracted.

I want you to go read this piece on WonketteYou will thank me later. But if you feel like reading it later, I’ll summarize it as succinctly as possible. In fact, I can do that by just giving you this one sentence from the piece, below.

Tomi Lahren’s great-great-grandfather was indicted on two separate counts, for “willfully, unlawfully and knowingly” making a false affidavit in connection with a naturalization proceeding, and for forging a naturalization document, in violation of the Naturalization Act of June 29, 1906. (source)

By now I hope you read the Wonkette piece. In it, an amateur genealogist does some sleuthing and figures out that Tomi’s great-great-grandfather was someone his great-great-granddaughter would likely despise. He was a dirty foreigner who had no respect for our laws! He was, dare we say it, AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT!!!!!!!!!!!1111111oneoneoneoneone

Now, let me, before I get to my own commentary on this development, say one thing. I’m not trolling Trigger because her family comes from another country. Fucking duh, all of our families, unless we’re actual natives, comes from another country. I’m trolling her because she acts like we should give a fuck if people come here “illegally” and the undeniable fact is that she wouldn’t be here without illegal immigration. So in other words, her hypocrisy is triply tasty because she’s one of the loudest voices screeching about how harshly we need to treat the CHILDREN of people who came here illegally literally decades ago and dragged their kids over the border with them.

In reality, I think the hypocrisy is so thick, so galling, and honestly so goddamned hilarious that it speaks for itself. So I’m just going to go ahead and spam GIFs that best represent my reaction to this story.

You’re welcome.

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About James Schlarmann 1406 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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